Making the Most of our Time Together...Despite Mommy's Anxiety!

If i'm honest, another reason I love writing these posts for you is because I have an excuse and I have the opportunity to go back into my photo archives. The picture I chose for this post was actually one of the very first photos I took with my little Warrior... My little Thena! One of many that fill my Amazon Photos to this day (yup, my cellphone finally gave up on me and told me "Ey, I got no more room for you!"... so Amazon Photos it is! *ahem* not sponsored *ahem* lol!)

As you can tell, I like starting off our time together with a bit of humor :) but, now, let's get to the nitty gritty of our post shall we? *disclaimer* today's post is a little heavy but, it is something that has been weighing on me since I began fighting my mental health battle.

Owning a pet has, in a weird way, highlighted the reality and the importance of valuing the time we have with each other on this planet. It has also taught me the craziness and insanity that is grieving way before my time. I know what you're thinking "ok, Isabelle, again with you and your weird thought process. Please explain exactly what you mean by this". Don't mind if I do, and if you do, ;) I was planning on sharing and clarifying anyway, ha!

Growing up, one perhaps doesn't really have the complete grasp on the idea of mortality. We may have lost loved one at a young age and been told that that person has "gone to heaven to be with God", or we may simply just understand the fact that when someone passes we never see them again... at least here in the physical world. I know for me, this was my reality and that's all I understood (losing my grandparents at a very young age was my way of learning this). As I continued maturing, I began understanding society's way of thinking. I learned and saw how society is programmed to falsely believe that older generations are "supposed to go first" (ex: kids are supposed to bury their parents... not the other way around). I believed that for a while... or at least I tried to. For my Mental Health I tried to and, I also tried to not think that far ahead in the life of my loved ones. For many decades I succeeded, that was until I met Anxiety and Panic and we became best friends. Ever since our first encounter: anxiety, panic, and I, I have been reflecting more on this natural aspect of life. I began to comprehend more deeply and intensely on how no one's life is guaranteed and how age means nothing when it comes to when it is our time to go.

Now, what does this have to do with Athena? Everything...absolutely everything! All us pawrents know, for a fact, that the beautiful and blessed day we bring home a fur baby we are also setting ourselves up for one of the hardest and most difficult day of our lives. All of us pawrents know that our furry ones are unfortunately destined to leave the earth before we do. I have been reflecting on this a lot... potentially more than I should and certainly more than I would want to. Add to that the fact that I am surrounded by family, friends, and loved ones that have had to say "good-bye" to their fur babies and I can see what that is like. I can see the deep sorrow and grief they are left with when they can no longer see their furry companion running after them or waiting for them at the end of a work day. I can hear the pain in their voices and/or how their eyes get lost as they speak about the memories they made with their pets as if, at the same time, remembering the fact that those moments are now in the past and they won't get them back.

With Athena, I have had to work extra hard to reprogram myself and my way of thinking (again, we can thank anxiety and panic for this). I remember a dear family friend telling me not too long ago when she lost her little one, she said to me "I know I just lost my fur baby, but you just got yours. I don't want you thinking about this day for you because your fur baby has yet to make many beautiful memories with you. She is still young. Enjoy her and don't let these moments you see around you damper your experience with Athena". I remember these words. I remember them quite a bit actually. Thena has taught me that, even despite knowing that we will part ways sooner than I would want, I have to live in the moment with her. I have to make sure that we enjoy our time together and that these moments get engraved in my heart. That I take the time we have to bond with her, love on her, and care for her. It's not an easy task for someone battling the things I battle on the daily but, I thank my friend for reminding me of this. Every time I try to go into that mindset I look into my little one's face and remind myself that she is worth the memories. She is worth the here and now and worth enjoying. I try to tell myself as much as possible that yes, that moment is inevitable and will come, but... till I have to cross that bridge... I will enjoy everything that life has to offer with Athena.

I know this post is heavier than some of us would like, especially me; however, I just felt I had to write it down. This blog is also my way of communicating with you all my physical and emotional journal with Athena and, unfortunately, this is part of it. It is the place where I can come to share my experience and, hopefully, say things that many others are not willing to say. It is a way for me to let out the good, the bad, and the ugly and, hopefully, let it remain here. Fortunately, what helps me in this case is that I can see from social media that I am not the only pawrent that thinks this way. There are many others like me who also think about that dreaded day. We just all have to fight for the happiness we have now that our furry ones are a physical part of us and let life be life when that time comes.